Mantastic 2008 featuring Don Cheadle & The Funky Presidents

Mantastic 2008: Best In Show!

2008-03-13T14:44:00.000-07:00

It is with great pleasure that I announce the overall winner, our Best In Show, for Mantastic 2008.

Ladies and gentlemen, Devin Breese, aka "Electrochops"!

Congratulations, Mr. Breese.

Prize packages will be delivered to Devin and all of the category winners next week.

Thanks to all who voted.

Thanks to all who participated.

Thanks to all who worked on the videos.

Oh, heck. Thanks to everyone, really.

Very, Very Shortly...

2008-03-12T14:59:00.000-07:00

The Best In Show votes have come in and they are in the process of being tallied.

I swear, my head might explode from the anticipation!

Best In Show Voting Underway!

2008-03-11T10:21:00.000-07:00

Now that we've got category winners, we're voting for Best In Show!

One of these lucky candidates will win the overall title. Who will it be??

William H. Taft: Steve Reding
The Colonel: Blair Clark
Chester A. Arthur: Kip Larsen
Van F@#king Buren: Rally Chimp
Freestyle Presidential Manscaping: Devin Breese, "Electrochops"
Cheadle For President: Nathan Abbot

I hope to announce the winner's winner by the end of this week!

Stay tuned, yo!

The Envelope, Please...

2008-03-07T14:53:00.000-08:00

In a gala event, the winners of Mantastic 2008 were announced! It was a very posh affair, attended by your favorite stars, all the glitterati. I bet you're sad you missed it.

Anyway, on to the awards ceremony! Who will win??

Winner: William H. Taft!

2008-03-07T14:51:00.006-08:00

Winner: The Colonel!

2008-03-07T14:51:00.005-08:00

Winner: Chester A. Arthur!

2008-03-07T14:51:00.003-08:00

Winner: Van F@#king Buren!

2008-03-07T14:51:00.001-08:00

Winner: Freestyle Presidential Manscaping!

2008-03-07T14:50:00.002-08:00

Winner: Cheadle For President!

2008-03-07T14:50:00.001-08:00

This Is More Like It

2008-03-05T10:28:00.000-08:00

Meat. Beer. That's a f@#$ing prize.

Mantastic 2008's own Nick Overstreet has graciously donated this genius-level prize, which more than makes up for the questionable-level prizes we'd previously received. Except the money, of course. Not much beats a wad of cash in your hand, except maybe the love of a good woman. Or man. Or even a dog.

Note: Both meat and beer are currently chilling in the refrigerator.

Ye Gods

2008-03-05T10:10:00.000-08:00

One of our lucky winners is actually a loser! We got this hideous prize donation and, to be honest, it gives me the shivers!

One pack of Grillz candy. Put it in your mouth, pretend you've got a sweet metal grill. Then you eat it. The slogan printed on the package? "Have fun!" At least it's watermelon flavored.

Congratulations and apologies to the winner.

James Brown: Chester A. Zagnuts

2008-03-05T10:09:00.000-08:00

"Right on."

He just said that. I heard it. He wasn't saying it ironically!

Kid's loopy...

You People = Crazy

2008-03-05T09:56:00.000-08:00

What's more Mantastic than getting punched in the face by Mantasm himself? Chocolate that tastes like bacon, that's what.

This prize was created by someone who should be arrested on principle. Who wakes up in the morning and thinks, "I'm going to start a company today that makes bacon-flavored chocolate bars and call that company Vosges." What in the wide world of internet pr0n makes someone do something like that? I can't tell you, but one of our lucky winners will receive this 85 gram bar of lunacy. 41% cacao!! That's got a huge street value in Calcutta.

I'm jabbering. I'll stop.

Prize For A Real Man

2008-03-05T09:51:00.000-08:00

Or for a very ballsy woman. Actually, I don't know what I'm talking about.

It's Brawndo, people, The Thirst Mutilator!

"Brawndo's got what plants crave! Brawndo's got electrolytes. And that's what plants crave. They crave electrolytes. Which is what Brawndo has. And that's why plants crave Brawndo. Not water, like from the toilet."

Says so right on the can. Go to www.brawndo.com to read more about this miracle non-thirstiness tool!

Today's Order Of Business

2008-03-05T09:47:00.000-08:00

Round One of Voting: Complete!

We now have winners for all six categories and they will be announced when everyone's interest is so piqued that at least one of you pees your pants.

No, that's not true.

Yesterday we filmed the Mantastic 2008 Awards Presentation Ceremony, which is now in the editing room. All reports indicate that we should be airing it tomorrow! Holy cats! That's hot stuff.

For today, though, we're rolling out more prizes. Hot diggety!

Get Out The Vote!

2008-02-26T13:54:00.000-08:00

All the photos are posted! All of the candidates are preparing their campaigns! It's time to vote, vote, vote!

How you vote is up to you. Do you like a bushy thatch? Do you give bonus points for presentation? Your criteria are your own. You decide. It's your vote; do with it what you will.

Here's how you do what you do:

1. Look over all the candidates in the progressions below. Click the images to make them larger.
2. If you've narrowed your choices to maybe two or three candidates per style, go back to their Week #5 animated gifs by clicking the Weekly Check-Ins link in the column to the left. More data should help you decide.
3. Email me with one (1) candidate from each category. I should have a total of six votes from each voter, since there are six categories.

That's it. That's how easy it all is. Do your due diligence, make an informed decision, and mail in your "ballot."

Good fricking luck!

Candidates: William H. Taft

2008-02-26T13:47:00.001-08:00

Candidates: The Colonel

2008-02-26T13:40:00.000-08:00

Candidates: Chester A. Arthur

2008-02-26T12:14:00.000-08:00

Candidates: Van Fucking Buren

2008-02-26T12:09:00.000-08:00

Candidates: Freestyle Presidential Manscaping

2008-02-26T11:55:00.000-08:00

aka Itchy, The Saw Scarf

aka Dr. Teeth

aka Man Helmet Chin Strapus

aka America: F@#$ Yeah!

aka The Juggler's Balls

aka Dr. Freaktime's New Hair Experience, Ltd. Featuring Redzilla

aka Derection (not a typo)

aka Sgt. Necky

aka Throat Cobra or, Snakes On A Face

aka Seamus

aka Jordan's Labyrinth, Starring David Bowie

aka Electrochops

aka Auburn Bristle Conspiracy

aka Tiger Attack

Candidates: Cheadle For President!

2008-02-26T11:08:00.000-08:00

Superfan Luke Melvin!

2008-02-21T16:54:00.001-08:00

Nobody likes Mantastic 2008 more than babies and no baby likes Mantastic 2008 more than Luke.

Hot dang, that kid is styling!

Be sure to click the link to the Mantastic 2008 store in the column to the left! You can be this cool, too!

Well, maybe you can't be this cool, but you can try.

Voting Soon!

2008-02-19T17:36:00.000-08:00

The growing is over, but the competition is just getting started, really. We'll be voting awfully soon. Awfully soon!

Stand by...and hurry!

Everyone's Got The Crazies!

2008-02-19T11:49:00.001-08:00

Very little facial hair, but plenty of cojones.

The Sad Tale Of Will Groebe

2008-02-15T16:28:00.000-08:00

Hello everyone.

It's your old pal Will here. I made it back to work today just after the lunchtime check-in. I've been out over a week in solitary confinement. Last Wednesday, as you all know, I was launched from my motorcycle by some asshole in a hurry.

Word of advice- If you hit a motorcyclist, or cause an accident involving a motorcyclist, hang up your phone, stop your goddamn car, and see if the guy's OK. He's probably hurting.

Anyways, so I've been laid out in pain for the past week. My excitement over being able to kick back and enjoy my recuperation time was hampered by the fact that I found out that Percocet makes me want to fucking puke. So I resorted to drinking alcohol to numb the pain, which can also cause vomiting, but I know my tolerance level.

So I'm sitting around in pain and drunk, and my kid gets the flu. Yay! Thank you. Did I mention I'm not getting laid with my Colonel?

Now somewhere over this time at home I must have hit my crazy limit, because on Monday I walked right into my bathroom and shaved myself to a baby's-butt freshface. I only had two days to go! What was I thinking?

It was a moment of lunacy... or sanity.

- Will

Just Watch

2008-02-15T16:00:00.001-08:00

Dope.

Week #5! Animated!

2008-02-15T09:35:00.000-08:00

Click on the images to see all of the poses for that person for Week 5. It's animated! It's technology! Get into it!

William H Taft:

Steve Reding

Jance Rubinchik

Jess Vickery

Scott Liedtka

Joe Bailey

Paul Hill

Ryan Hood

Jim McVay

Stacz Sadowski

The Colonel:

Brian Mendenhall

Lee Hahn

Kirk Larkins

Austin Eddy

Blair Clark

Robert Alves

Rowdy Roddy Rogaine

Sanjay Das

Alex Stockwell

Eric Baker

Will Groebe

Chester A. Arthur:

Geoff Wheeler

Robert Dorris

Mike Brunet

Chris Halstead

Jesse Jensen

Kip Larsen

Todd Elliott

Brian Smith

Jim Brown

Jacob Telleen

Van Fucking Buren:

David Gibson

Hans Brekke

Patrick Danaher

Ken Voss

Jonny Tal, Jonny Tal

Rally Chimp

Freestyle Presidential Manscaping:

Kane Brassington, with "Seamus"

Jordan Schilling, with "Jordan's Labyrinth, Starring David Bowie"

Devin Breese, with "Electrochops"

Dave Kujawski, with "The Auburn Bristle Conspiracy"

Page Frakes, with "Tiger Attack"

Howard Campbell, with "Dr. Freaktime's New Hair Experience, Ltd. Featuring Redzilla"

Mantasm, with "Derection"

Kevin Cureton, with "Sgt. Necky"

Neal Hoover, with "Throat Cobra" or "Snakes On A Face"

Morgan Loomis, with "Itchy, The Saw Scarf"

Adam Gerardin, with "Dr. Teeth"

Nick Overstreet, with "Man Helmet Chin Strapus"

Daniel Basse, with "America: F@#$ Yeah!"

Nate Fredenburg, with "The Juggler's Balls"

Cheadle For President:

Allan Gersten

Nathan Abbot

Steve Moros

Matt Jacobs

Tom Schelesny

Russell Darling

Ryan Todd

M Stevens

Andrew Gardner

Blaise Panfalone

David Behrens

Joe Engelke

Tony Lobay

While You're Waiting...

2008-02-14T14:28:00.001-08:00

Why don't you pop over to the Official Mantastic 2008 Shop and pick up a hot new T-shirt or something? Boys and girls allowed!

New Chimptastic 2008 shirts now available! Click here to see all the sweet gear.

What's Chimptastic 2008, you ask? Who @#$% cares! It's a shirt with a monkey on it! Buy it now! Do it! C'mon! It's right here!

Mantastic vs. Mantastic!

2008-02-14T14:17:00.001-08:00

Voting will start shortly after the photos are all processed and posted!

Q: When with the photos be posted?
A: Shortly.

To the death!!

Getting Closer...

2008-02-14T11:37:00.000-08:00

I'm still processing the Check-In photos. There's a lot. In the meantime, keep your nose to the grindstone, your chin up, and your panties not in a bunch.

And while you're just sitting there, check out Mantastic 2008 Superfan Yasmin. She is not messing around, I'm here to tell you.

Sausages & Beards

2008-02-13T15:38:00.000-08:00

Oh, my...

SausageFest: Victory!

2008-02-13T14:42:00.000-08:00

A new record was set. 101 sausages cooked and consumed. Only one bun short. That's an astounding logistical feat. Big ups to Rob Dorris. He can't grow much hair, but he can grill like a demon.

The photos are being processed, so for now I give you a warning: keep spare pants handy - you're likely to pee your first pair when you see the Final Check-In pix.

Steady as she goes...

What Do We Do Now?

2008-02-13T10:50:00.000-08:00

As you know, today is the final Check-In for Mantastic 2008. Holy cats. The Freestylers have all outdone each other. It's nasty in here today, and by "nasty" I mean, "unfathomably cool." Ish.

Lunchtime today is the big Mantastic 2008 SausageFest in the courtyard. We're probably going to rock some photography then. We'll knock some out at break time, too.

It's a weird day and doesn't that make you glad you showed up at work today?

News: Indian Court Hears Case Of Man Allegedly Fired Over Moustache

2008-02-13T10:09:00.000-08:00

NEW DELHI, India (AFP) - The case of a flight steward who claimed India's state-run domestic carrier dismissed him because of his handlebar moustache was heard Monday by the Supreme Court, a report said.

Victor De, a former Indian Airlines employee, said the carrier assigned him to ground duties in 1998 and later compulsorily retired him in 2001 for allegedly not adhering to service rules on uniform and appearance. "How can a person with a moustache be removed?

This is a democratic country," said judges H K Sema and Markandey Katju, according to the Press Trust of India news agency. In his petition, De said he joined Indian Airlines as a steward in 1994 and was later promoted to assistant manager of flight services.

De said he sported the elaborate moustache as part of family tradition. But he said the airline told him that all male flight stewards, except those belonging to India's minority Sikh community, should be clean-shaven or keep neatly trimmed moustaches, not handlebar moustaches. It was not clear if De, who filed his case in 1998, was seeking reinstatement or compensation.

Broken Bones? Whatever...

2008-02-13T09:18:00.000-08:00

Will Groebe, a Colonel on his way to work last Wednesday, got hammered coming through an intersection on his motorcycle. Broken collarbone. What's his next move? He gets himself patched up and takes a photo of his majestic facial hair so he won't have to sport the Freshface.

Will Groebe: Dedicated. Mantastic.

Gear Here! Get Your Mantastic Gear!

2008-02-08T11:27:00.000-08:00

Finally.

What says Mantastic more than hot chicks with guns? Not much that I can think of. Samurai swords are about 1/5th as Mantastic, by my reckoning.

Click here or the link in the column on the left to visit the Official Mantastic 2008 Store! Lots of colors to choose from.

Women's styles available, too!

Yeah, boyee.

Bum Rush The Prize Table!

2008-02-08T10:43:00.000-08:00

Whoa, whoa, whoa! Slow down! Not all at once! It's another prize donation!

Mantastic 2008 Friend Niketa says:

"I'll contribute a year's subscription to Maxim.

Congrats on all the robust beardage over there!"

Holy cow! That's one year of esoteric features on body washes and fantastic interviews with the hot lady starlets of today! All you have to do is win!

k-POW!

Our First Prize Donation!

2008-02-08T10:24:00.000-08:00

Freestyler Kane Brassington has graciously donated the Self-Adhesive Stylish Mustaches kit from the good people over at Accoutrements. It's perfect for those who stink at growning moustaches, so the lucky winner will probably be giving it to a friend of family member, because, duh, he's a winner and therefore can grow his own, thank you very much!

Big ups to Kane-o!

An Open Letter To Mantasticles

2008-02-08T09:42:00.000-08:00

Dear Mantastic 2008,

I’m writing to thank you with all my heart for renewing the love in my marriage. Now that my Colonel is nearing full thatch, every time I walk into the room, Nancy shakes her head and rolls her eyes. And I know that it’s because she is so overcome with the feelings of being so fortunate of having me as her own.

When she begs me to get rid of it each morning, I am certain it is out of concern of the other men who will not stand a chance at love until I shave it off.

And on the occasions that I catch her staring at me from across the room and she replies, “ugh…stupid,” as she leaves the room, I’m sure it’s because she is embarrassed at being caught in the act of such blatant adoration.

It’s all very sweet and I have you gentlemen to thank for it.

I owe you.

-Blair Clark

Achtung!

2008-02-07T16:19:00.000-08:00

I was just talking with Freestyler Nick Overstreet. He may have the most unreal concept planned for his face. Jesus Crackers, it's going to be sick fun.

Which brings me to this point for Nick's fellow Freestylers...

Next Wednesday is the big day. For our final Check-In, you must have your style carved in. Be it a take on Mondrian or a portrait of your dog, you've got one chance to make it shine. Go big. Your Check-In photos to this point have been highly amusing and give us an idea of the canvas you're working with, but are essentially worthless. Your last day will win it or lose it for you.

I wish you all the best of luck. I certainly can't wait.

There Will Be Blood

2008-02-07T15:53:00.000-08:00

Here he is. See? I told you Stacz was still in it and he's rocking a Daniel Day-Lewis kind of look, eh?

Clarification

2008-02-07T15:13:00.000-08:00

There may be some confusion.

Stacz Sadowski got the Freshface this week for his Check-In photo, yet he is still rocking the Taft. What gives? Well, it's just that I don't have a photo for him and I've got to put something in there.

So, yes. Stacz is still in the running. Make no mistake.

Thank you for your time.

Check-In #4

2008-02-07T13:59:00.001-08:00

Whoa. We've come a very, very long way, although some would say that the toughest week is yet to come. For me, it's all gravy from here on out. How you feel about the last week is up to you and your significant others.

William H. Taft:

Joe Bailey

Paul Hill

Jim McVay

Stacz Sadowski

Steve Reding

Jance Rubinchik

Jess Vickery

Scott Liedtka

Ryan Hood

The Colonel:

Alex Stockwell

Eric Baker

Will Groebe

Blair Clark

Robert Alves

David Schnee

Sanjay Das

Brian Mendenhall

Lee Hahn

Kirk Larkins

Austin Eddy

Chester A. Arthur:

Jim Brown

Jacob Telleen

Jesse Jensen

Kip Larsen

Todd Elliott

Brian Smith

Geoff Wheeler

Robert Dorris

Mike Brunet

Baron von Halstead

Van Fucking Buren:

Jonny Tal, Jonny Tal

Rally Chimp

David Gibson

Hans Brekke

Patrick Danaher

Ken Voss

Freestyle Presidential Manscaping:

Daniel Basse

Nate Fredenburg

Neal Hoover

Morgan Loomis

Adam Gerardin

Nick Overstreet

Page Frakes

Howard Campbell

Mantasm

Kevin Cureton

Kane Brassington

Jordan Schilling

Devin Breese

Dave Kujawski

Cheadle For President:

Joe Engelke

Tony Lobay

Tom Schelesny

Russell Darling

Blaise Panfalone

David Behrens

Allan Gersten

Nathan Abbot

Steve Moros

Matt Jacobs

M Stevens

Andrew Gardner

Ryan Todd

There are a few stragglers who haven't taken their photos yet this week. I'll replace the Freshface with their legit picture when it gets taken care of.

Congratulations on another fine week of thatch.

Ch-Ching!

2008-02-07T10:33:00.000-08:00

Tell 'em what they've won, Don Pardo!

Our Chicken Fees went through the roof this year. Tons and tons of loot, mostly in fives, with a few ones mixed in for variety. The grand total? $300.

Whoa.

As Andrew "Stonewall" Jackson once said, "To the victor go the spoils." That statement rings true for Presidential elections and Mantastic 2008 contest winners.

Here's how it's going to work out:

1. Voters will be voting in for a winner in each category. Once those winners are determined, an overall winner will be elected from a pool consisting of the winners of each category.
2. Woo hoo!
3. The category winners will each win a cash prize totaling $30. Not bad for a month of doing not much.
4. The overall winner, the Grand Champion, will win $120 in addition to the $30 he won for his category.
5. Whoa. Even better for not doing much.

It's an embarrassment of riches, but it's really not embarrassing enough. Last time we ran this thing, we had prizes flowing in from all over the globe. King Tut tissue boxes, salami, Man O War CDs, squeeze mayonnaise, Mantastic mirrors, Fusion razors, etc. It was a prize avalanche. So far, we've had one prize donation, and while that's very nice, wouldn't it be cooler if the prize packages swelled to ridiculous proportions? I think so.

Adam Gerardin is out at lunch today canvassing for prizes. I'm hitting my neighborhood, knocking on doors. Do you know a generous soul who loves facial hair?

I Do Declare!

2008-02-07T10:13:00.001-08:00

I love fan art! This doozy of our own Electoral College member Mantasm was submitted by Mantastic 2008's very own Nate Fredenburg, he of the Freestyle Presidential Manscaping.

Bully!

Fan Art!

2008-02-07T09:23:00.000-08:00

Mantastic 2008 fan Yasmin Khudari has created this genius-level high-school-style piece of fan art based on a previous piece of fan art! You can look at this thing on a variety of levels, all of them tasty pudding.

Thanks, Yasmin.

Editorial Comment

2008-02-06T10:07:00.000-08:00

From Chester A. Arthur candidate Brian Smith:

Now I'm not a member of the Mantastic committee but I am a Chester A. Asskicker, so just to refresh your memory, the Chester A. Arthur is described as follows:

...a moustache that keeps on going, all the way to them ears. The thing to keep in mind here is that the line must hug the uppermost reaches of your growable hair. No dipping down to the jawline! Keep that thing up high!

Did you catch that last part? "No dipping down to the jawline! Keep that thing up high!" And with two exclamation points so you know it must be important. And yet when I walk the halls and browse the check-in photos, I see a number or wanna-be Chester A. Arthurs that aren't being the man they're supposed to be; that are failing to live up to the example of our 21st and Greatest President. For shame, for shame. And I'm not the only one who has noticed, says former Mantastic Lemmy wearer David "Muffintop" Gibson:

"I have a bone to pick with the Chester's. I only see a few true Chesters and as a former Lemmy I feel that not shaving into the appropriate style is the same as letting it grow and shaving the last day. This is Mantastic 2008 - you can't "play it safe" until you see how it grows in! Grow a pair!"

Sounds like a pretty big statement for a guy named after a breakfast pastry, but there you go. Those of you not sticking to the High and Tight guidelines have been called out. Will you in fact "grow a pair"?

Remember:

Overheard At The Plant

2008-02-06T10:03:00.000-08:00

"Everyone is looking very 'Old West.' We should bring back that Revolutionary War look."

- an unnamed, Oscar-winning, visual effects titan

Thank goodness he's on board. Whew!

Note To Josh Spencer

2008-02-04T11:00:00.000-08:00

Fan Art!

2008-02-03T23:13:00.001-08:00

You love boy bands! You know it. And so does Mantastic 2008 fan Rose Nakamura. Rose created this beauty of a boy band tribute with the stars of our competition.

If you'd like to create some fan art or have a photo of a tribute beard, send it along!

Some Of You Don't Need This

2008-01-31T17:32:00.000-08:00

Some of you do.

Click here to find out what the eff-word I'm talking about.

Click here if you're not convinced.

Click here if you're really stubborn and still not on board.

Click here if you're an idiot.

Week #3!

2008-01-31T11:30:00.000-08:00

Why is it Week #3? We've only completed two weeks! Well, it's the start of the third week, therefore, Week #3.

Don't fight it. It's not that important.

William H. Taft:

Jim McVay

Stacz Sadowski

Joe Bailey

Paul Hill

Ryan Hood

Jess Vickery

Scott Liedtka

Jance Rubinchik

Steve Reding

The Colonel:

Alex Stockwell

Eric Baker

Will Groebe

Lee Hahn

Robert Alves

Rowdy Roddy Rogaine

Sanjay Das

Brian Mendenhall

Kirk Larkins

Austin Eddy

Blair Clark

Chester A. Arthur:

Brian Smith

James Brown

Jacob Telleen

Robert Dorris

Kip Larsen

Todd Elliott

Geoff Wheeler

Chris Halstead

Mike Brunet

Jesse Jensen

Van Fucking Buren:

Jonny Tal, Jonny Tal

Rally Chimp

David Gibson

Hans Brekke

Patrick Danaher

Ken Voss

Freestyle Presidential Manscaping:

Adam Gerardin

Nick Overstreet

Daniel Basse

Nate Fredenburg

Howard Campbell

Mantasm

Kevin Cureton

Neal Hoover

Morgan Loomis

Kane Brassington

Jordan Schilling

Devin Breese

Dave Kujawski

Page Frakes

Cheadle For President:

Blaise Panfalone

David Behrens

Joe Engelke

Tony Lobay

Russell Darling

Ryan Todd

M Stevens

Andrew Gardner

Allan Gersten

Nathan Abbot

Steve Moros

Matt Jacobs

Tom Schelesny

Let's give them all a big round of applause, shall we?

Nearly There

2008-01-31T10:53:00.000-08:00

I'm 3/5ths of the way through uploading Check-In photos. There are a lot of them. Oofah.

In the meantime, check out this prison mugshot. Taken at Chuck E. Cheese, which, I hear, is not unlike a psychiatric prison where the inmates (aka kids) are running the asylum.

Pool Closed!

2008-01-31T09:44:00.000-08:00

We're two weeks in and nobody's shaved! That's kind of amazing.

The Shave Pool vote turned out like this:

Ryan Todd: 2 votes
Nathan Abbot: 6 votes
Tom Schelesny: 24 votes
James Brown: 14 votes

So far, everyone who voted is wrong, but things can change very quickly. Stay tuned...

Steady, Kids

2008-01-31T09:40:00.000-08:00

While you're waiting for the Check-In photos, watch this video, submitted by Freestyler Kane Brassington. It's one of his favorites.

Quote Of The Week

2008-01-30T17:19:00.000-08:00

"Freddie Mercury called. He wants his moustache back."
- Mrs. Clark, to husband Blair while on set in Mexico via video-conference.

The bummer for Blair is that he's rocking a Colonel! Mercury's got a Taft! Apparently his chin bit doesn't show up on video-conferencing.

Check-In: Soon!

2008-01-30T15:47:00.000-08:00

For those of you obsessively clicking the Refresh button hoping to see Week #3 Check-In Photos, take a break. They're coming, but they're not coming that quickly. Not as quickly as your last boyfriend.

I'll post them after I'm finished taking them. Can't ask for more than that.

Accept No Substitutes

2008-01-30T15:12:00.001-08:00

Word on the streets is that a nearby film studio is also conducting a facial hair growing...something or another. It's not a contest and it's only moustaches, so in my mind, it's probably not terribly Mantastic, either. It's called Moustache 2008.

Brilliant.

Mind you, this is the same studio that brought you the classic motion picture Finding A Bug's Incredible Toy Cars, Inc., so you know that there's a massive shortage of creativity over there.

Bah!

Mantastic 2008: It's The Real Deal

Well, I'll Be A Monkey's Uncle

2008-01-30T11:39:00.001-08:00

I have seen it myself. This is not a hoax. This is not third party. This is not "I know a guy who knows a guy who has seen it." This is fact!

Matt Jacobs: style carved and ready for Check-In!

Tom Schelesny: style carved and ready for Check-In!

Holy cats.

Now if we could only find Lee Hahn and Sanjay Das, we'd be in great shape.

See you at Check-In!

Mantastic Gear!

2008-01-30T10:23:00.000-08:00

Hello.

We're currently working on designs for Mantastic 2008 branded T-shirts, but in the meantime, amuse yourself with these fabulous items!

Abe Lincoln: Zombie Hunter

Chester A. Arthur

William H. Taft

Martin Van Buren

Buy yours today!

FYI

2008-01-26T17:07:00.000-08:00

At the end of this contest, we're having a massive Shave Off, where we'll save all of the hair that falls to the floor and make a pillow for the overall champion. We'll probably have someone's grandmother embroider a bunch of flowers on it and the words, "Home Sweet Home," or, "Don't Put This Pillow In Your Mouth" and present it to the winner.

That is going to be a day, let me tell you.

Anyone have a grandmother they can recommend?

Let Us Pray

2008-01-26T16:58:00.000-08:00

In Your Face!

2008-01-25T16:50:00.000-08:00

Hear ye, hear ye...

From here on out, there are no free rides. If a contestant doesn't show up for Check-In, this picture will be attached to their name:

It's a wacky font and perhaps it's tough to read, but I'll make it easy for you: it says "Freshface"

By my reckoning, the following people have not been photographed. No hardcore shame awaits them this week, but next week is an entirely different story:

Lee Hahn
Will Groebe
Jesse Jensen (saved by his shaving video)
Tom Schelesny
Joe Engelke
Sanjay Das

And then there's Matt Jacobs. Hmm. Still pondering that one...

You've Got A Friend In Lake Mary

2008-01-25T12:20:00.001-08:00

So, I was checking our visitors map again and found that we've gotten some recurring hits from Lake Mary, Florida. A relative, perhaps? Close friend of a Mantastic Candidate? Who knows, but regardless, we're happy to see you!

And when in Lake Mary, be sure to stop by the Events Center. Something's always going on! Heck, you should even think about moving there, since Lake Mary has been ranked #1 in Florida and #4 in the United States as Best Place To Live!

It's true!

Worthy Substitute

2008-01-25T11:51:00.001-08:00

Jesse Jensen, he of the Chester A. Arthur category, was out sick as a dog on Check-In day, but filmed himself shaving his style with a straight razor!

Holy cats!

Yeah, I think that's good enough for a mulligan.

The Right Stuff

2008-01-25T11:07:00.001-08:00

There are two ways to do Mantastic: the right way and the wrong way. Candidate Kip Larsen embodies the Right Way. Capital "R", capital "W".

As I mentioned previously, I completely botched things by somehow losing Kip's Check-In photo. No, I don't know how. It was a perfect sequence of idiotic events. What I do know is that I was crushed since he's most definitely a front-runner in his category. He's the New England Patriots right now - the team to beat. In a magnificent display of coming through in the clutch, he'd gotten wind of my gaffe and bailed me out! Not only does he have a fantastic start on his thatch, but he had someone take a photo while he was offsite at a high-toned location shoot. With outsiders! That's a No-Man-Left-Behind attitude akin to shutting down the nuclear plant that's about to blow, saving the town (if not the World), rescuing the cat from the toxic cloud, getting the girl, retrieving his trademark hat, and then deflecting the credit to the bumbling sidekick.

Astounding.

Here is Kip's new Week #2 Check-In, Chester A. Arthur Category:

Turn Your Head And Cough

2008-01-25T10:50:00.000-08:00

Welcome to Friday!

This week was a total clusterfuck, what with people not showing up for Check-In, showing up for Check-In but refusing to shave, and showing up for Check-In with girlfriend-approved versions of their selected styles.

Excuse me a moment while I @#$% puke!!

There is one perfect way to get this thing back on track. Two ways, now that I think about it for a gigasecond.

1. Go home, spend two solid, uninterrupted weekend days farming your hair, then come in Wednesday shaved like a winner. Pow. No explanations, no whining, no cock-and-bull stories.

Or...

2. We trim the excess. Get rid of the deadbeats. Separate the wheat from the chaff. Losers go home.

Don't be the chaff. Be the wheat!!

It's Video Embedding Thursday!

2008-01-24T16:21:00.000-08:00

Pop quiz!

Refusing to put down your snacks during activities that require your undivided attention: Mantastic or No?

Has Chuck Norris Met His Match?

2008-01-24T15:56:00.000-08:00

Chuck Norris seems to be fighting two worthy opponents here! Don Wong, ready to take down San Francisco's toughest and whitest crime boss, and Chuck's own unbelievable chest hair.

Who will win???

The Curious Case Of Matt Jacobs

2008-01-24T14:16:00.001-08:00

We've got a conundrum at HQ. Our compatriot, Matt Jacobs, who drew the Cheadle as his style, showed up for the Check-In yesterday and even took a photo. Great, right? Well, the catch is that there was no Cheadle on his face. He looked like a contestant in the Freestyle category. Now, he wasn't confused as to which category he was in. He knew. Matt explained his situation by boldly proclaiming that he wasn't going to shave his style until the last day. Furthermore, if anyone had any problems with that, he didn't care and promptly flipped us all the bird.

Now....

First let me say that his defiance is most definitely Mantastic. Period. On the other hand, though, why get into a contest where you know the rules, but openly declare that you won't follow them? Sure, it makes you stand out from the crowd, but does it allow you to still call yourself a contestant, which is the whole point to begin with? And wouldn't the refusal to shave and wear your style for four weeks also constitute some sort of cowardice or soft underbelly?

What is your opinion? Second chance? Boot him now? Let's hear you.

Yo Soy Retardo

2008-01-24T14:07:00.000-08:00

In a bit of shocking news, I've misplaced the photo of someone who did show up yesterday. Oh, but not just anyone, mind you. It was the photo of near-shoo-in and cataclysmically Mantastic Chester A. Arthur Candidate Kip Larsen. Seems I have to take another photo and I really feel badly about that.

Ooofah.

This is worse than that one time I realized I'd dropped my wallet into the toilet after I'd already done my business. That was an unclogging I won't soon forget.

Screw It!

2008-01-24T13:20:00.000-08:00

We've got some photos left to be taken, but those people might get voted off the island before you know it.

Here is your Week #2 Check-In!

William H. Taft:

The Colonel:

Chester A. Arthur:

Van Fucking Buren:

Freestyle Presidential Manscaping:

Cheadle For President:

Attendance

2008-01-24T12:08:00.000-08:00

I've been crunching some numbers. Here's what I've found, in terms of how Check-In attendance correlates to hair style:

William H. Taft: 100% attendance

The Colonel: 72.7 % attendance

Chester A. Arthur: 90 % attendance

Van Fucking Buren: 100% attendance

Freestyle Presidential Manscaping: 100% attendance

Cheadle For President: 76.9% attendance

Hmm...

With the Cheadle sporting such currently low turnout and two of the ones that did show whimpering about dropping out, should we rethink our original thoughts about how badass the Cheadle is? Or is this a case that it's so badass that participants are actually afraid of it. It could also be that the Cheadle has the highest number of bitchy babies in the category. On the opposite end, the Manscapers have the largest number of candidates and they all showed up. That's some enthusiasm; that's some solidarity.

To sum up:

Thumbs up for Tafts, Van Burens, and Freestylers.
Thumbs down for Arthurs, Colonels, and Cheadles.

Dadgummit!

2008-01-24T11:37:00.000-08:00

I love Photoshop, except when it doesn't work. Then I hate it.

The Check-In photos are getting closer to posting, but they're not there yet. Plus we're still missing some people! @#$%!!

In the meantime, study this chart. There will be a quiz.

Salaam

2008-01-24T11:32:00.000-08:00

Salaam doesn't need to enter Mantastic. I mean, seriously, look at that head of hair! A 'do like that takes years of dedication. Is anyone going to tell him that he lacks commitment because he won't enter a contest that takes a month? I'm not going to.

Celebrity Drop-In

2008-01-24T11:08:00.000-08:00

Mantastic 2006 Handlebar Category Champion Chris Morley stopped by the photo shoot yesterday to say hi and offer his support.

He's probably wondering where the Check-In photos are, too.

Adam Gerardin Says

2008-01-24T10:58:00.000-08:00

"Where are the g.d. photos? And go see Junkman. You'll be glad you did."

Where The @#$% Are Those Check-In Photos?

2008-01-24T09:51:00.000-08:00

I know. It's taking a while. On the other hand, there are some folks who either:

A) Didn't show up for Check-In (and didn't even come correct with an excuse!), or
B) Refused to carve their styles!

Can you believe that? I'm having a hard time with it. The Electoral College is currently meeting to decide what to do with all of these deadbeats. Did they not know what they were getting into? Did they not realize that they were going to actually have to sport facial hair and have it documented? And what's with all of the folks whimpering about wanting to shave?

I honestly thought that this was a competition for men. Apparently it's something else.

Sad-making. What can I tell you?

Extra bonus thanks go to those who are not only rocking the styles, but are keeping the enthusiasm up, too. That's pretty darned cool to see.

Chuck Norris vs. Attack Helicopter

2008-01-23T15:56:00.000-08:00

Seems Mantastic enough to me.

Shave Pool

2008-01-23T15:33:00.001-08:00

There's already speculation about who's going to shave. We've got some likely candidates already. I've heard, "I was thinking of shaving this off last night," twice already! Can you believe it? Sadly, I can. Here are the candidates for Shave Pool:

Ryan Todd
Nathan Abbot
Tom Schelesny
Jim Brown

Vote in the pool to the left over there!

If you remember, Jim Brown prematurely shaved during Mantastic 2006! Could he fold up under the pressure yet again? It's so possible that it's probable! It's just a matter of who will collapse first.

Vote, vote, vote!

Note From Mommy

2008-01-23T13:54:00.001-08:00

It seems that Jonny Tal has gotten a note from home regarding his failure to shave his style this morning. Please read on and leave your comments, if you please.

"Dear Mantasm,

Please excuse Jonny T for forgetting to shave his whiskers this morning. Whilst I was leaving the house, a sudden power surge caused his sabre saw (which he uses to craft manly replicas of Klöckner-Humboldt-Deutz A.G aircraft engines) to spring suddenly to life and skitter hellishly towards me. In attempts to evade, my shoeheel broke and Jonny leapt mantastically into action, rescuing me in the nick of time. He then used the heated sawblade and a fixative of his own saliva to fix my shoe. So you see, it was for mantissential reasons that he had to wait till noon to craft his Van F*cking Buren.

- Niketa"

Well, what do we think? Is a note from your girlfriend Mantastic or not?

Big Day

2008-01-23T12:09:00.001-08:00

Heyo,

Today is exciting, because it's our first glimpse at what we can look forward to. In spite of the fact that there are only six categories, there is plenty of room for interpretation. You won't see two Chester A. Arthurs that look alike. I've already seen a Taft that goes on seemingly forever, Cheadles that people should be arrested for, and invisible Colonels. Wide, narrow, wispy, thick, dark, light...it's a cornucopia of beards and moustaches! Perhaps it's a hairnucopia.

Oof. Perhaps not.

Anyway, I'm jacked up. Photos will be taken at 4:30 on the stage. I'll post them as quickly as I can, but if you stop calling and emailing and asking when they'll be posted, I can actually post them even faster. Funny how that works.

See you at break!

Q & A

2008-01-23T11:57:00.000-08:00

Q: With nearly 40% of the studio population walking around with idiot facial hair, isn't it kind of weird over there?

A: Does Howdy Doody have wooden nuts?

Can I Get A Ruling?

2008-01-23T10:42:00.001-08:00

Jonny Tal forgot to shave today! What in the?!?

What does the Electoral College have to say about this matter?

Word Around The Compound

2008-01-22T17:29:00.000-08:00

I've heard rumors that we've got another contestant. Apparently, our good friend Tony Lobay missed the Day One Check-In because he was out breaking his ribs or something. Ouchie. Seems that he's rolled a style and all of that, so we'll try to get his photo up here, get all the paperwork in order. Until then, it's only a rumor!

Please disperse. Nothing more to see here. Return to your homes.

To The Victors Go The Stacks Of Loot

2008-01-22T17:13:00.000-08:00

We've counted up the Chicken Fees and yours truly is sitting on a large stack of cash money, son. $300 +. Not sure how we're going to divide it up, but we're thinking half for Best In Show and the other half being divided up to the winners from each category. Who knows, though! The Electoral College hasn't figured anything out yet. We'll let you know when it's all official, though. Regardless of how it all works out, that's a lot of dough! The last time we did this, we had a grand total of around $50 or something. This year, Blair Clark and Page Frakes combined for $65 between just the two of them.

Whoa. Can I get a bodyguard, please?

The Latest Entry Ever!

2008-01-18T17:08:00.000-08:00

Ladies and germs, I give you Joe Engelke!

Joe shaved on Wednesday, ready to roll, but broke his ribs and fractured his his kidney and couldn't come to work. He's better now. Joe rolled to see his fate, chickened a couple of times for luck, and then found that his luck had run out.

Joe Engelke: Cheadle For President!

Welcome aboard, Joe.

Note: I've retroactively updated previous posts with regards to Joe's entry. FYI.

Have A Good Weekend

2008-01-18T15:43:00.000-08:00

Our good friend Mantasm took the day off today to bear down and push out some serious hair this weekend. You best buckle down yourselves. Check-In #2 is only five days away!

Hello, Denmark!

2008-01-18T13:46:00.000-08:00

While checking our Global Visitors Map, I saw that we had a visitor from Denmark. Copenhagen, to be exact, home of the famous Tivoli Garden (right).

To learn more about our Danish friends, click here.

And to our Danish visitors, welcome.

Goats?

2008-01-18T11:59:00.001-08:00

Heck yeah!

Why the F not? That's more beard than you'll ever grow!

David Gibson: Kissing Babies

2008-01-18T11:35:00.000-08:00

The guy is looking for support, folks. He needs votes (a lot of them!) and he ain't too proud to beg, sweet darling!

He sent me these photos of himself and his lovely girlfriend at the gun range. His lady is cute and those are some mighty fine guns, but do the trimmings and trappings of Mantasticness make a man Mantastic through and through?

It's a good question for discussion.

So discuss, already!

Are You Serious?

2008-01-18T11:18:00.000-08:00

This morning, I heard someone say, "Edward James Olmos is not Mantastic." Mind you, it was a voice in my head that is constantly taunting me and mischievously contradictory, but I heard it nonetheless. Normally, I have difficulty wrestling with the conundrums that my internal voices generate, but this one was so absurd that it was easily dismissed. Edward James Olmos, as shown here in Blade Runner, was a complete badass, spoke about five potent words in two hours, and used origami as an in-your-face intimidation tool. I mean, who can even debate the quality and quantity of his mojo? Nobody, that's who. That he was sporting a bitching Colonel only makes the discussion even more ridiculous.

Those of you growing The Colonel, I'm sorry. That bar is incredibly high. You're in good company, though. That's something you can hang your futuristic fedora on.

Quein Es Mas Macho?

2008-01-18T11:14:00.001-08:00

Seth Green or...just about anyone, actually.

Dude!

Former Mantastic Daisy Shelley Campbell says, "How unfortunate for Seth Green. He used to be cute but now I think I am turned off for good."

And how. Click here to see more, if that's your thing.

Man, That Was Tasty!

2008-01-18T11:06:00.000-08:00

How does a man clean the meat out of his teeth after tearing through a hearty meal? With toothpicks that taste like other meats!

I'm calling it right here. Bacon is the Official Meat of Mantastic 2008 featuring Don Cheadle and The Funky Presidents.

Mo' po'k!

Mantastic Defined

2008-01-18T11:01:00.001-08:00

This is not how we are using the word, but I think that this is probably how we like to think we're using the word, even though we're not. At all.

1. mantastic

Feeling fantastic after the successful completion of a particularly macho feat.

Following his fifth keg of beer, Kevin ripped the horn off of his pet narwhal, and then nailed his porn-star girlfriend for hours. Subsequently, he felt mantastic.

Mr. Don Cheadle

2008-01-18T09:50:00.000-08:00

If one of you knows Mr. Don Cheadle, hair farmer and one of the finest actors working today, would you mind sending him the link to this site, because that would be cool, I think.

Figured I'd ask.

Day Two

2008-01-17T17:32:00.000-08:00

After the psychotic activity and excitement of Day One, Day Two seems like an exercise in watching grass grow. Sorry. We're doing the best we can, though. Lots of fun times in store. A few more nervous looks and tentative enthusiasm for chosen styles today. A steely resolve building.

Steady, boys.

Mantastic 2008: Now With Two Delicious Flavors!

2008-01-17T14:03:00.001-08:00

It is with great excitement that I am announcing that our very own Rowdy Roddy Rogaine has enthusiastically joined the editorial team and will be posting to this site unedited! Our tomfoolery level may have just gone off the charts!!

Whoa.