Well, look no further. Our first President, George Washington, shows off this year's six models.
The Chester A. Arthur
A moustache that keeps on going, all the way to them ears. The thing to keep in mind here is that the line must hug the uppermost reaches of your growable hair. No dipping down to the jawline! Keep that thing up high!
The William H. Taft
Your basic moustache, but make it Presidential, not of the people or by the people. Phooey on that noise!
The Colonel
Colonel Sanders made a mint with this look. True, he wasn't a President, but that's only because he didn't run! Would you have bet against him if he did? Not likely. A moustache and vertical beard combo. Dope.
Freestyle Presidential Manscaping
What is it? Why the question mark? You'll love this one. Here's how it works...
1. Grow everything you can, all over your face, for one month.
2. On the day of the Final Check-In, show up with the most outrageous, creative, horrifying, belief-suspending beard you can shave. That's right. Dealer's choice. You like stripes? Great. Oh, horizontal stripes? Fine. Triangles, blocks, zig-zags, words, Tetris, the 50-50, a moustache on each cheek...all acceptable. It truly is Freestyle. James Knox Polk, 11th President of the United States, would approve.
Cheadle For President!
Yes, I know that Don Cheadle hasn't been President, but there's still hope! It's an election year, don't you know. Cheadle '08! Start the chant! This style is the baddest of them all. A handlebar that goes all the way down, right into a muttonchop. Just the narrowest demarcation between the two. Holy cats. This groove might just be too deep. Let's move on.
Van Fucking Buren
Here we go. Big, fatty chops. Make 'em big, make 'em bold. Make our 8th President get up and dance.
There you have it, people. The random drawing will take place on Wednesday, January 16th at 4:30 PM.
Brace yourselves.
